1:30am

It's 1:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Seriously. I took a 30 minute nap, but that shouldn't have done this to me. I blame it on the cookie and milk. I've really been trying to get my body out of this habit of snacking at night, but this cookie was equal to probably 4 normal ones. Sean, Ryan, and I ate a roll of cookies by ourselves. I had a quarter of it. So I think I'm just on a sugar rush.

Problem is, I'm getting up in the morning to run. I went once this week. I should have gone more, but I really think my legs aren't used to the hills yet. That sounds stupid, but I've got the pain in my shins that I get at the beginning of every semester, or every camp season. It just takes my body some time to get readjusted to the movement and the angles. But I'm going in the morning for sure. I need the de-stress time. I've realized that when I run, I really don't think much about anything. And the other day, I really wanted to stop and walk, but I didn't let myself. I know that I can run a mile easy, and can do more if I push. So wanting to walk for a minute just wasn't going to cut it. I have to psych myself up.

I did 5 push-ups tonight. That sounds like such a measly number, but it's a big deal for me. They weren't modified. In January, I couldn't do any. At all. Modified or not. And I've not been very diligent about practicing them. But I'm trying. Even if I don't go to a police academy, or BLET, at least I know that I'll be more fit. Something has finally clicked in me that I can't get by like this anymore. It's fine now, but it will lead to a lot of problems for me down the road if I don't get off my butt and get in shape.

So I guess I'm going to try to go to bed now. After I try for 5 more. What can I say? I think I've finally got the fitness bug. Now I just have to keep myself motivated.

zoo

This is my favorite picture from when we went to the zoo a few weeks ago. If you look closely at Sean's shoulder, you can see a little blue fish. I love the effect of his reflection on the picture.

I totally should be straightening up my room right now. The floor is fine, but there are water bottles sitting on everything. Sean's been hanging out down here a lot since my room is larger and cooler than his, so I'm producing twice the trash that I'm used to having.

I've really loved spending this last week with him and just being around him. Honestly, we need this summer. We need all this time before he moves to Asheville and sales his soul back to the nursing program for the last year (well, until he's starts grad school). And I kick it into high gear with the whole, "let's finish school and find a job and find a place to live and oh crap I'm a grown-up now" part of life. In all seriousness, it's just nice to be able to relax with him. To eat every meal together and talk and plan and just be. There's no stress right now. This is probably the only time life will ever be like that, so I'm taking advantage of it.

In other news, John graduates tomorrow. Really. I feel old. I know I'm not that much older than him, but it doesn't seem like my (not so) little brother should be getting ready to go to college. For that matter, it doesn't seem like I should be graduating. And yet, I'm ready. I'm ready for life, and for being settled somewhere and not living in a cubicle and out of boxes.

Finally, nothing new with the wedding plans. Frankly, I just want to enjoy myself right now. I did decide to keep looking for the perfect dress. And try somewhere else, just to get a feel for what all is out there. But I'll kick it into high gear soon. I promise. Just not yet. I'm just enjoying this whole relaxing thing for a little bit longer.

Getting back on track...

...literally.

I've been slacking off on the whole running thing. It's just so hard to convince myself that I should get up off my butt and just do it. And the sad thing is, it's really not all that hard for me to do. And I enjoy it while I'm doing it. And the awake feeling I have after I get done. I just lack motivation.

But this morning, I got up and did a mile. I know, I know, it's not very impressive. And I'm sure I could have done another one. But I was pleased that I got up and did it. And I feel pretty good now. I need to go do a little more re-hydrating, but other than that, I'm good. Plus, I won't feel bad about going out to lunch now, since I've been active.

That's one of the hardest things about being at home. I just want to sit on my butt and do nothing. Granted, Saturday I did walk about five miles at the zoo, but it wasn't a hard walk or anything. More like a stroll. But I feel better when I'm active, and not just laying around.

So that's my goal. If I can just hold onto this feeling, I'll be in good shape. It's just a hard one to hold onto. It's not the easy thing to do, this being active. It doesn't come naturally to me. I've been socialized to be the artsy person, not the runner. But I'm changing. Or at least I'm trying. Now, I just have to do it again tomorrow.

Crazy week

It's been a crazy week. I went to Sean's house Sunday night, and spent most of Monday there. I'm finally comfortable enough to eat there. For me, that's a big thing. It only took me two years to get to that point. It didn't matter how many times they told me to make myself at home, I just feel weird eating other people's food. But now, it's more like I'm part of the family. Plus, it's different if Sean and I cook it there. Then I've made it.

Tuesday was a nothing day. Actually, I take that back. It was a pretty important day. I met with Johnny and got the church reserved for the wedding. I know, I know. It's over a year away. But that was one thing that I could go ahead and do, and I wanted to get it done while I'm at home. Because after next Thursday, I'll just come in for a few days here and there. So that's taken care of.

Wednesday was my big day. I went to the allergist. It turns out I'm pretty allergic to all types of grass, most trees, and some weeds. But not to dogs or cats, so that's good. Unfortunately, this means that I pretty much can't open windows except in the dead of winter. And the doctor recommended that I start shots. But I don't know if I will or not, although I guess now would be the best time if I decide to. I have more time to go get them twice a week for the first couple months while I'm still at school. I won't have that leeway to leave work after I graduate. Well, unless I use my lunch break.

So, after that, I went and tried on dresses!!! I'm pretty excited about that. The one that I absolutely loved online, I loved just as much when I had it on. Of course, mom and dad liked a different one, and liked the aspect of it that I didn't like. So I have to look through the pictures that we took of me in them and decide what I like, or if I want to try on some others. There was one that is a very pretty dress, but it just didn't quite lay right when I had it on. Something about it was not cool. It was not the dress for me. But I really did like the other two. I got time though. That's what I keep telling myself. I don't have to make a decision right this second. Though it's one step I would like to get out of the way this summer.

And then today. I got my hair cut, my eye brows waxed (finally), went shopping, ate lunch with dad, and then helped with some yard work. We hauled a bunch of brush to the brush pile. And by a bunch, I mean 3 truck loads. Now I'm waiting on my antihistamine to kick in. That thing about the allergies--yeah, I was just exposed to it all.

Pictures from the zoo coming up next! We're going on Saturday, so I'm hoping to get some good ones. I want to see the lions!!!

10 trash bags later...

...and I think I'm finally done cleaning stuff out. Of course, now I have to organize everything that I kept, and hopefully I can get rid of a little more. I seriously found things from sophomore year of high school. Yeah, a long time ago.

Anyway, I feel so much better now that I've gotten some stuff out of here. Not only is everything less cluttered, but I know where stuff is, and I know what things I should keep and really like to have around. I still have some things on the walls that I want to take down, like a poster of a unicorn that has been around since elementary school. But painting is next on the agenda. I'm hoping to get started on that Tuesday. If I can get everything primed then, I can paint on Thursday. Then everything should be done.

In other news, I'm going to start looking for wedding dresses on Wednesday. I have to go to Winston to the allergist, so we're just going to make a day of it. I've found one that I absolutely love online, but I need to make sure it looks good on me. I do know for sure (well, 99%) that I want something strapless. That's the style that I'm most comfortable with, and that looks best on me. That, and Sean doesn't want me to wear anything super v-necked (is that even a word?), because, in his words, "I'm not waiting 3.5 years to see them, only to have everyone else see them at the same time." I can't say that I blame him.

So overall, this week at home has been pretty productive. I've gotten a lot of stuff accomplished, and I'm really starting to look to the future. Not that I haven't been in, but now it's starting to seem real. This is real. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. How cool is that??

I'm home!

Well, I made it home for a few weeks. I've got right at 2 and a half weeks to hang out. Unfortunately, it looks like most of that time will be spent purging. Somehow, I've managed to accumulate a lot of stuff over the years. I mean, a LOT of stuff. I've got clothes I haven't worn in years, and papers dating back to middle school.

I realized a few weeks ago that, duh, I'm getting married in 14 months. I can't have all this stuff to take with me. I'll be starting a totally new phase of life. Obviously, some things are really important to me and will keep them, but do I really need so much? Do I really need clothes that I'm never going to wear? Do I really need to keep books from middle school? Do I really need to save that random clock I bought, that hasn't worked in years?

No. I know what things I want to keep. All my Cabbage Patch dolls will stay. But they're going into storage boxes that will fit under my bed. They don't need to be on display. I'll keep some books. Gone with the Wind is one that I never want to lose. There are a few clothing items that are sentimental.

But most of this stuff, I don't need. I don't use. I don't really even want. Really. I just need the basics. I don't even live here really. If it's not something that I use at school, then I don't need it here. And then there is all the stuff that I don't really use at school, but that I have there. I need to go through those boxes of things too, before I head back.

So it's going to be a busy couple of weeks. And hopefully, when I get done, I'll be in a much better place, stuff-wise. If it isn't something that I want to take with me when I get married, then I don't need it at all.

Of course, this is all a lot easier said than done. :)