So much to think about...

I've got so much going through my head right now. I really just don't know what to do. Am I ready? Is it feasible? Can I handle all the extra stress that comes with it? How would we afford it? Housing. Insurance. Cars. What would the deal with time be? I really just have no idea. I'm being vague. Welcome to my head. I know what I'm talking about. I'm just not comfortable putting it out there in internet world where people may stumble across it yet. I don't know what to do. I want it. I really do. With everything I have. But there's a rational side of me saying the timing could be better. But is that because the timing is different than what I expect? Is it because I'm just nervous? I don't know. What's the best way to solve it? And I need a job. I really worry if I don't have one. I want to know that I can support me. Us. I want to start with the least amount of stress possible. I want to have time to relax, to breathe. I don't want to rush things. I want to have family support. But I want what you want. I want us. I want peace about it. I wonder if my apprehension is only because it's not what was planned. If it's because it's not what I had pictured. I really just don't know what to do.

And in all honesty, I think my head might just explode because I'm thinking so hard about it. I need to escape. I need to curl up in a little ball and just think about what we're doing. If it's right. If it's time.

Because my heart says I'm ready. My head says I'm not. Which one am I supposed to listen to?

Too much to think about. Way too much.