Crazy week

It's been a crazy week. I went to Sean's house Sunday night, and spent most of Monday there. I'm finally comfortable enough to eat there. For me, that's a big thing. It only took me two years to get to that point. It didn't matter how many times they told me to make myself at home, I just feel weird eating other people's food. But now, it's more like I'm part of the family. Plus, it's different if Sean and I cook it there. Then I've made it.

Tuesday was a nothing day. Actually, I take that back. It was a pretty important day. I met with Johnny and got the church reserved for the wedding. I know, I know. It's over a year away. But that was one thing that I could go ahead and do, and I wanted to get it done while I'm at home. Because after next Thursday, I'll just come in for a few days here and there. So that's taken care of.

Wednesday was my big day. I went to the allergist. It turns out I'm pretty allergic to all types of grass, most trees, and some weeds. But not to dogs or cats, so that's good. Unfortunately, this means that I pretty much can't open windows except in the dead of winter. And the doctor recommended that I start shots. But I don't know if I will or not, although I guess now would be the best time if I decide to. I have more time to go get them twice a week for the first couple months while I'm still at school. I won't have that leeway to leave work after I graduate. Well, unless I use my lunch break.

So, after that, I went and tried on dresses!!! I'm pretty excited about that. The one that I absolutely loved online, I loved just as much when I had it on. Of course, mom and dad liked a different one, and liked the aspect of it that I didn't like. So I have to look through the pictures that we took of me in them and decide what I like, or if I want to try on some others. There was one that is a very pretty dress, but it just didn't quite lay right when I had it on. Something about it was not cool. It was not the dress for me. But I really did like the other two. I got time though. That's what I keep telling myself. I don't have to make a decision right this second. Though it's one step I would like to get out of the way this summer.

And then today. I got my hair cut, my eye brows waxed (finally), went shopping, ate lunch with dad, and then helped with some yard work. We hauled a bunch of brush to the brush pile. And by a bunch, I mean 3 truck loads. Now I'm waiting on my antihistamine to kick in. That thing about the allergies--yeah, I was just exposed to it all.

Pictures from the zoo coming up next! We're going on Saturday, so I'm hoping to get some good ones. I want to see the lions!!!

10 trash bags later...

...and I think I'm finally done cleaning stuff out. Of course, now I have to organize everything that I kept, and hopefully I can get rid of a little more. I seriously found things from sophomore year of high school. Yeah, a long time ago.

Anyway, I feel so much better now that I've gotten some stuff out of here. Not only is everything less cluttered, but I know where stuff is, and I know what things I should keep and really like to have around. I still have some things on the walls that I want to take down, like a poster of a unicorn that has been around since elementary school. But painting is next on the agenda. I'm hoping to get started on that Tuesday. If I can get everything primed then, I can paint on Thursday. Then everything should be done.

In other news, I'm going to start looking for wedding dresses on Wednesday. I have to go to Winston to the allergist, so we're just going to make a day of it. I've found one that I absolutely love online, but I need to make sure it looks good on me. I do know for sure (well, 99%) that I want something strapless. That's the style that I'm most comfortable with, and that looks best on me. That, and Sean doesn't want me to wear anything super v-necked (is that even a word?), because, in his words, "I'm not waiting 3.5 years to see them, only to have everyone else see them at the same time." I can't say that I blame him.

So overall, this week at home has been pretty productive. I've gotten a lot of stuff accomplished, and I'm really starting to look to the future. Not that I haven't been in, but now it's starting to seem real. This is real. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. How cool is that??

I'm home!

Well, I made it home for a few weeks. I've got right at 2 and a half weeks to hang out. Unfortunately, it looks like most of that time will be spent purging. Somehow, I've managed to accumulate a lot of stuff over the years. I mean, a LOT of stuff. I've got clothes I haven't worn in years, and papers dating back to middle school.

I realized a few weeks ago that, duh, I'm getting married in 14 months. I can't have all this stuff to take with me. I'll be starting a totally new phase of life. Obviously, some things are really important to me and will keep them, but do I really need so much? Do I really need clothes that I'm never going to wear? Do I really need to keep books from middle school? Do I really need to save that random clock I bought, that hasn't worked in years?

No. I know what things I want to keep. All my Cabbage Patch dolls will stay. But they're going into storage boxes that will fit under my bed. They don't need to be on display. I'll keep some books. Gone with the Wind is one that I never want to lose. There are a few clothing items that are sentimental.

But most of this stuff, I don't need. I don't use. I don't really even want. Really. I just need the basics. I don't even live here really. If it's not something that I use at school, then I don't need it here. And then there is all the stuff that I don't really use at school, but that I have there. I need to go through those boxes of things too, before I head back.

So it's going to be a busy couple of weeks. And hopefully, when I get done, I'll be in a much better place, stuff-wise. If it isn't something that I want to take with me when I get married, then I don't need it at all.

Of course, this is all a lot easier said than done. :)

One more done...

It's hard to believe that another semester has come and gone. Overall, I've done pretty well. Still waiting on one grade to come in, but it looks like a 4.0 semester! That's so exciting for me. I'm still having to work to get my GPA back to where I want it to be after that corrections and spanish 302 fiasco that brought it down and kept me off dean's list last spring. But it's all good. I've almost got a 3.7 overall right now. I think I can hit it when I get that last one posted.

I'm going to miss a bunch of people. Now that I'm getting older, I know more people graduating. It isn't going to be the same not working with some people, or having others come talk to me in the office. Or having Cameron around. Shoot, he and Jenny are together so much that it's like he practically lives here. But he'll just be in Asheville, so he can come visit.

Also, Sean will be in Asheville for his last year of nursing school. I'm so proud of him for how well he did this semester. It was really touch and go for awhile, just because he was taking 6 more hours than everybody else. But he passed. And he's looking for a place to live. He's pretty amazing. I'm going to miss having him five minutes away though.

But, he'll be up here with me this summer. We're both really looking forward to 10 weeks in the same building. He's already got a list of things for us to do while we're here. Nothing too crazy. But we're going to try and spend some major time together before there's an hour commute and crazy gas prices separating us.

Oh, and we got all my graduation stuff figured out. My internship had fallen through, and was going to leave me six hours short. But we've moved some stuff around and used a SOC class for CJ credit, and now I'm going to only need nine hours this summer, instead of 12. So in the long run, even if I'm not doing my internship, I'll still be coming out on top. And saving nearly $600. Fantastic!

God, why?

God,

I know I shouldn't ask why. I should just trust that all things happen in your time. I should just believe that Lori had accomplished all she had to here on earth. I should rejoice that another one of Your daughters has been called home.

But I can't right now. It's not that I'm angry with you, God. No, it's that I'm mad that I hadn't kept in touch with her. That it had been months since I told her I loved her. I'm upset that she had to die so far away from her parents.

I know she got to see them for Christmas. And I'm so glad she got that chance to go home. She loved Africa so much. And that love will live on through all the people she has touched, that may one day go there. I know she's touched me God. I feel like I'm rambling, but it's just so hard to have coherent thoughts right now.

It just hit me. I know I posted a blog about her a little while ago, but it didn't seem real then. It wasn't until I looked at her myspace page and "Bride" was playing. She did so much God, but there were so many things I know she wanted to do. Yet, I can't be mad, because she is now eternally YOUR bride. She's dancing and singing and in Your presence. I just don't understand.

She wanted to make a difference. I know she did, because she touched me, and so many other people I know, but God, she wanted to work with kids, with families. And I'm finding it hard to understand why, in the last few weeks, I've felt like that was what I should be doing. Is it that you mean for me to pick up where she left off? Because I don't have the spirit that she had. She knew how to love like Jesus. I'm still struggling with that.

But God, I think about a line in Kelly's song: "Only God fully knows, all that we can be. ALL THAT WE CAN BE." God, thank You for letting Lori be all that she could be. For the impact she had on my life. For the chance to see her love, and to be loved by her. For the chance to love her. And for helping me to be all that I can be.

God, please protect her family while they try to get here. I can't imagine what it must be like for her parents, to be in Africa and trying to come home. Or for her sisters. Her neices and nephews. Her extended family. Her friends at school. Help them to remember that, while we don't understand why, that You do. And that she's with You right now. Praising you for eternity.

I loved her God, and I always will.

Amen.

Lori Morrison

Lori Morrison died today. While that might not mean much to anyone else, it does to me. She was an amazing person, with an amazing heart.

I had the opportunity to work with Lori and Camp Mundo Vista the summer of 2006. I'll never forget her hugs, and hearing her say "I love you." Without fail, she could brighten my day. I regret that I did not keep in touch with her as well as I should have.

The following is an excerpt from her "About Me" section on facebook. I give her full credit for writing this.

I have had my struggles in the past year and I continue to, but I claim peace and joy in the name of Jesus! I ask this of Him! Day to day can be a battle within my heart but Jesus is the Victor! May I never ever forget that! I have my doubts and questions, but I realize now I am only human. I am waiting for the Lord to show me direction for my next step in life that will lead me and allow me to use my hands and feet to serve. I am NOTHING, but I am trying to trust that God will use this NOTHING of a girl. God is trying to teach me many lessons...though I often ignore:
1) Christ is the possible in the impossible situation
2) Patience is beautiful and waiting is not something to be ashamed of
3) My body is a temple...
4) Obedience is everything
5) I will be disciplined, because God disciplines those He loves just as a Father disciplines His son that he loves
6) Satan knows my weaknesses and delights in my downfalls
7) Never allow Satan the chance to delight in my misery
8) NOTHING in this world does satisfy, thus why the need for Jesus in every midst and part of my life..
9) I have no answers...

Lori was an amazing person, and she will be missed.

Camp

Tonight at BSU, we had a commissioning service for the people doing Summer Missions through BSCNC. I got a little teary, but nothing too major. It made me think back to the last four summers, and how much I had learned.

But then we split up into small groups to pray for each of them. I started praying for Nick Clanton, got out one sentence, and totally lost it. Sobbing and everything. It finally hit me that for the first time since high school, I won't be going back. I won't get to spend my summer sleeping on a plastic mattress, and singing mindless songs, and waking up at the crack of dawn and being fake happy until after breakfast. I won't be surrounded by amazing women of God. I won't get to worship with over 200 girls and women every night. I won't get the chance to see lives changed on the mountain.

And that's so hard for me to realize. But in all honesty, I think camp had become my comfort zone. It was no longer a challenge in the literal sense. Sure, things would get tough, but the nerves from my first summer never returned.

Yet, that mountain will always be so dear to me. I've laughed there, cried there. I've met some of my best friends. Those girls know me in ways that no one else ever will. A bond is created when you live with someone, work with someone that closely. I saw one of those girls a few weeks ago. Even though we hadn't seen each other in over a year, it was like nothing had changed. We were different, but we were still the same, because we had that bond.

I miss that. I miss breathing God. I miss the fact that I was surrounded by people I could trust with anything. I miss having a bad day and having so many girls come up and hug me and pray for me. I miss campers. I miss the laughter. I miss the paths. I miss my sanctuary.

I just miss it. The people I've met, the things I've done there, have changed my life forever.