Taking a break

...from unpacking, and from work stuff. I'm so tired of being at school. Only one more semester. I really just want to get a job, get a place to live, and get married. Not necessarily in that order.

I don't really have anything to talk about. I've been kind of down about the fact that I don't get to see Sean for a few more weeks, but I might see what he's doing on Sunday, and go visit him. There's no way I'm going to make it until who knows when. It'll just be tough, because Ryan's coming in for the weekend, so they may already have plans.

I just watched a commercial on how to decorate a dorm room. It was crap. No room is that big, and students don't typically get a private room without paying a premium. And what student is going to bring in all new furniture and stuff? Obviously the writers are out of touch with college life.

I'm starting a new afghan soon. I really should try to finish the one I started crocheting, but I'm not motivated to work on it. I'm planning to knit one that's going to be amazing. It's super soft yarn, and will look really good as a throw over a couch. I'm excited about it.

Sean and I are still talking about stuff, but I'm hoping we'll have a decision made soon. That's part of why I want to talk to him in person. But who knows what will happen. I'll post more about it when we decide for sure.

That's it for now. Bye!

Back to school. Not that I ever really left, but they did make me go home for a couple days. It's going to be a good semester. It has to be. It's the last one.

I'm at such an odd spot right now in life. I feel like I should already have a job lined up, or at least have applications out. Unfortunately, I need to wait, because it's 4 months until I can officially start. But Dr. Briggs has contacts, and she's told me she would be willing to make some calls on my behalf. That helps.

Sean and I are still trying to decide what we want to do about the wedding. The job thing is really holding me back with plans, because things may change. But thats all I really want to say about that. We still have some things to talk about, and a couple people to talk to, before we finalize anything.

I've got to find a place to live starting the end of December or beginning of January, but until Sean and I figure out everything, then I can't really do that either. I'm just trapped in a place of limbo right now. It's killing me.

It's tough. I just need to figure this all out, somehow. I've no doubt that we'll be alright. I just want to be able to see into the future, so I would know what we decide to do. I'm so confused all the time.

Have I managed to confuse you yet?

just thoughts

So, that last post was 100% random. Suffice to say, all that it was about is a non-issue now, so I'm not even worrying about it. Things still might change, but as of right now, they won't.

Sean and I are now less than a year away from forever (364 days!). I've decided I like saying it like that, versus just saying that the wedding is in a year. Because in my mind, it's not about the ceremony. It's about the commitment we make to stand beside each other 'til death do us part.

It's the last week of summer school. I'll get 3 days at home before I have to come back. I'm excited about it ending, but I'm also sad. It's been great getting to see Sean every day. It's going to be really hard when he's in Asheville next year.

I'm still worried about finding a job. I plan to talk to some of my profs at the beginning of the semester and see what they recommend. I'm not even sure when I need to start applying for them.

The end.

So much to think about...

I've got so much going through my head right now. I really just don't know what to do. Am I ready? Is it feasible? Can I handle all the extra stress that comes with it? How would we afford it? Housing. Insurance. Cars. What would the deal with time be? I really just have no idea. I'm being vague. Welcome to my head. I know what I'm talking about. I'm just not comfortable putting it out there in internet world where people may stumble across it yet. I don't know what to do. I want it. I really do. With everything I have. But there's a rational side of me saying the timing could be better. But is that because the timing is different than what I expect? Is it because I'm just nervous? I don't know. What's the best way to solve it? And I need a job. I really worry if I don't have one. I want to know that I can support me. Us. I want to start with the least amount of stress possible. I want to have time to relax, to breathe. I don't want to rush things. I want to have family support. But I want what you want. I want us. I want peace about it. I wonder if my apprehension is only because it's not what was planned. If it's because it's not what I had pictured. I really just don't know what to do.

And in all honesty, I think my head might just explode because I'm thinking so hard about it. I need to escape. I need to curl up in a little ball and just think about what we're doing. If it's right. If it's time.

Because my heart says I'm ready. My head says I'm not. Which one am I supposed to listen to?

Too much to think about. Way too much.

Kind of down

This is more of a vent/complaining type of entry, so be warned. Ok, good.

So, today is check-out/check-in for summer school. We're right between sessions, so it's been pretty crazy. I've been working since 8:45 this morning, and my lunch break was down the hall. I cooked it so I wouldn't have to leave the building. The guys are both busy with internships and stuff during the day, so they've not been here. The other girl I work with didn't get here until between 12:30 and 1, because she had an exam. Which is fine, I totally understand that. Until she peaced out at 5:20, because she was going to eat with her friends. Fine. I don't need to eat. I don't need a break. I'm fine sitting down here all by myself while she goes out and has fun. No big. Right.

I'm exhausted. I'm seriously tired to the point of wanting to go sit and cry. I just want the chance to relax, and not have to sit down here and be all of our jobs. Somehow, I got shafted. But I'm not surprised. I'm pretty sure that she has pretty much no work ethic. I know mine is not where it should be sometimes, but I at least try. And I really try to be considerate of others. That's what bothers me the most. It just doesn't matter to her that I have to sit down here and do her job too. That really just bugs me.

I really don't have anything to say...

...but I'm putting off doing some homework or cleaning my room. Sean had to actually go to class today, so I'm just hanging out until he gets done and we go get some lunch.

So instead of writing about nothing, here's a picture of mom on an elephant statue from our trip to the zoo!

Being at school during the summer is tough. It's super hard to stay motivated to do anything when it's pretty outside, and when you really just want to take a break. Instead, I've been spending most of my time locked up in my room, in the filtered air. I've even started keeping the shades closed so that I can't see outside. It's been a bad summer for my skin. I got all my breakouts under control, and then it flared again. But this time, one of the worst spots was on my eyelid. Do you know how hard it is to go out in public when your eyelid is swollen, red, and itchy? And then the flaking came.

Anyway, that was gross. New subject. Sean and I have started running together. Even if we aren't talking while we do it, it feels good to have that time with him, and to know that we're helping ourselves just as much while we do it. But I have a problem. I hit a mental block at right at a mile every time. I know that's the problem, because my legs don't hurt, I'm not really breathing all that hard. I just shut down. So for the next week, my goal is to just get over this hurdle. And get new shoes when I go home. Mine are not so good, and it's causing me some pain. Great.