Short and Sweet

I don't like studying.


or presentations where I don't get to use notecards or powerpoint. Especially if it's in Spanish.



Yeah, good week here. I've just got to make it to Friday.

almost 2 am

Yeah, it's almost 2. I gave up laying in bed; sleep just isn't happening right now. I've had this problem every night this week. I go to bed, lay down, and.............nothing happens. This is a new problem for me. I can't remember ever not being able to go to sleep every night for a week. One night, sure, but never this many. So, what's a girl to do?

Update her blog of course!

There's really nothing going on in my world. It's been a fairly easy week, class-wise. It's been hard going from spending everyday of Easter Break with Sean to only seeing him for a few minutes sometimes. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through next year when he's in Asheville. Especially with gas prices going through the roof. I mean seriously. I hope they keep me as an RA. Otherwise, we'll never see each other. There's no way I could afford the drive down there.

Wedding plans are going, well, nowhere. I have lots and lots of ideas running around in my head, but I'm trying to wait until this summer when I have three weeks off to really get my teeth sunk into it. But I've got ideas about what kind of dress I want, and decorations, and colors. But the invite list--that's going to be a nightmare. And I've already started having dreams about it. The other night, I dreamed I got married in the laundry room in my residence hall, and walked down the "aisle" to Hell's Bells. Weird, right? It's no wonder I can't sleep now.

Work is finally starting on the grant project. I'll be calling people to set up phone interviews starting hopefully on Monday. It's so cool to be able to work on this with Drs. Brown, Briggs, and Mason. I'm really starting to look forward to this summer. Not only is this going to look awesome on my resume, but it's also giving me a chance to build relationships with PhDs. Not every college student can say that they've worked that closely with faculty. Especially in Applied Criminology and Emergency Management. They aren't fields that are very heavy on collaborated research. And even if people never even know that I helped, the experience is beneficial. Plus, it will give me a different perspective on issues that I'll deal with in the field later.

There really isn't anything else going on. I have a song from BSU tonight still running through my head, but I'm sure it will go away eventually. I love songs with catchy rhythms, but this one has been playing over and over since we sang it at 7:45. So I'm ready for it to go. It's only got about eight lines in the whole song, so it's getting annoying. And I can only hear the harmony part. It's not very nice anymore.

Well, I guess I'll try this bed thing again. Maybe this time, I'll fall asleep. The worst thing is, I'm on duty this weekend, so my sleep schedule will stay messed up. And I've not even been taking naps! Maybe that's the problem.

Oh, and I've got a new picture of me and Sean that we took at formal, but I'm waiting to post it. Daddy and Granny both took some at Easter, so I was going to post them all at the same time. And maybe one of me and Claire. Delaney didn't want to be in a picture with us.

Seriously????

Yeah...this is crazy ...

check it out!

Road to Nowhere

Last night (well, more like this morning), Sean, me, Jenny, Cameron, Travis, and Katie Rath went out to Bryson City to the Road to Nowhere. It's an old road that was started, and then funding ran out, so building it was halted. The beginning of the part that can be walked is a tunnel. We all thought it would be fun to go through it at midnight with no flashlights. While it was drizzling.

The whole idea came about because we were talking about places that were creepy at supper before BSU formal. So we all just decide to go. Of course, we changed first; tunnels+rain+heels=not fun.

Ok, so that's the set-up. We get there, and we all head in. Sean and I linked up arms and went last. Everyone else is talking about how creepy it is, and stuff to that effect. I on the other hand have totally different thoughts.

This tunnel is pitch black. Faintly in the distance one can make out the outline of the end, but barely. Once you get about halfway through, you can no longer see any light from the entrance, and you have no sense of direction. All you can feel is changes in temperature, and the asphalt (or dirt and leaves) under your feet.

As I was walking, trying so hard to remain focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, I had to totally different thoughts. First, I thought about the fact that I was experiencing (temporarily) blindness. I couldn't imagine having sight, and then losing it. To be essentially trapped in a sea of darkness. To know that there were things around you, and not knowing what it was. To be touching a person, but not to even be able to see his/her face. To try so hard to see light, and to not know if it was really there, or if you were just imagining it. People used to ask if I would rather lose my sight or my hearing. I would always say sight, because I love music. But after that experience, I would prefer not to lose either. If God took one away from me, it would be alright, and I would learn to live with it, but I could never choose to lose either one.

My second thought revolved around Jesus after his crucifixion. As I fixed my gaze on the light ahead of me, but would turn around and see nothing but a dark abyss, I began to think about what Jesus experienced during his three days in Hell. While I know NOTHING is that terrible, I could only imagine what it felt like to be leaving it. To be able to travel to the light finally, to leave the terrible darkness behind. But I also think about how he felt, knowing that so many people would never be able to travel into that light that was God, because they never knew Him, or would never know Him. And it just made me so thankful that my life will never be in that total darkness, that I'll be in the light for all of eternity. But I also need to be aware of those that are not His followers. Do I want them to dwell forever in the darkness? Of course not. Therefore, I have to go out and tell them about Him.

It's my life!

Let me just start with saying, I can get a job without getting a masters; the field I'm going into doesn't even require a 4-year degree. Mom's cousin Sherry decided to tell me this weekend that I HAD to get my masters right after I finished here, because I would never go back. I will go back. I've got a plan for how I'm going to do this. And that's irrelevant. I'm going to do things the way I need to do them that will be best for me. Right now, it's not going back to school. Just because she did it that way does not mean that I need to. Anyway, after I got tired of her and walked off, she started telling Mom how I was making a mistake and needed to go back. It's MY life. I'm doing it MY way.

Well, since she wasn't able to change my mind about that, she decided to start giving me wedding advice. I have a pretty good idea about what I want at this point, we just haven't started finalizing the details yet. I don't mind people talking about it; I want to talk about it. I don't like when they tell me the ideas I have are going to make it like a "sideshow." That's inappropriate. And I really don't like when they start telling me how much money I'm going to spend on flowers and such. I don't care that they had to spend over $500; I don't plan on it. And I understand that it can add up quickly, but if people would actually listen when I say I want it to be really simple and not full of frill and stuff, they might actually get it. I don't think a wedding should be about the decorations, or the dresses, or the food. It's about the fact that Sean and I are making a commitment to spend forever together. We want people there to celebrate with us, not to come look at fancy decorations that aren't representative of our personalities.

Now, if everyone can just understand that this day is going to be about US, and that the rest of my life will be done in the way that is best for US, then we'll all be good. Otherwise, I'm just going to snap one day and start telling people that I really just want them to butt out.

(And as a disclaimer, I welcome ideas. Just don't shoot down mine, or make it sound like yours is the only way to do it. I promise, if it's something I like, I'll consider it. But tulle and flautists? Those aren't my things. Neither are trumpets and french horns. Simple...I want to keep it simple!)

I'll talk about it now

A few posts back, I mentioned some issues going on within BSU. I'm finally ready to talk about it. The person involved has made it clear what he claims happens, so now I can rant about it.

Here's what happened. A guy who is a supposed recovering alcoholic was a member of BSU. He needed gobs of attention, and many people, especially freshmen, wanted to help him. He's a year-old man. That's awfully funny that he had to hang out with 18 year-olds to feel comfortable. Well, he takes these spells where he posts negative notes on facebook in order to get attention. He tried this stunt over fall break, got lots of comments about how people really loved him, and he was fine.

So, a few weeks ago, he posted another note specifically mentioning names of people he felt were "good" leaders, and thus calling out the ones he felt weren't. No one took the bait this time and commented about it. So he then started cussing people out through AIM, and several of the freshmen became too scared to stay in their rooms. This is the point where Res Living got UPD involved. The next night, he changed his facebook picture to the Zodiac Killer, and then cross-hairs. He was arrested for cyber-stalking, and then even tried to call some of the BSU people he liked to come bail him out.

Now you're caught up on what's going on. Tonight, he posted a new note, and in it talked about how he missed B** people, but how they were in the wrong. He even posted the NC Statute regarding cyber-stalking. I'll include it so you can read it for yourself.

North Carolina

S 14-196.3
Cyberstalking

1. The following definitions apply in this section:
1. Electronic communication. - Any transfer of signs, signals, writing, images, sounds, data, or intelligence of any nature, transmitted in whole or in part by a wire, radio, computer, electromagnetic, photoelectric, or photo-optical system.
2. Electronic mail. - The transmission of information or communication by the use of the Internet, a computer, a facsimile machine, a pager, a cellular telephone, a video recorder, or other electronic means sent to a person identified by a unique address or address number and received by that person.
2. It is unlawful for a person to:
1. Use in electronic mail or electronic communication any words or language threatening to inflict bodily harm to any person or to that person's child, sibling, spouse, or dependent, or physical injury to the property of any person, or for the purpose of extorting money or other things of value from any person.
2. Electronically mail or electronically communicate to another repeatedly, whether or not conversation ensues, for the purpose of abusing, annoying, threatening, terrifying, harassing, or embarrassing any person.
3. Electronically mail or electronically communicate to another and to knowingly make any false statement concerning death, injury, illness, disfigurement, indecent conduct, or criminal conduct of the person electronically mailed or of any member of the person's family or household with the intent to abuse, annoy, threaten, terrify, harass, or embarrass.
4. Knowingly permit an electronic communication device under the person's control to be used for any purpose prohibited by this section.
3. Any offense under this section committed by the use of electronic mail or electronic communication may be deemed to have been committed where the electronic mail or electronic communication was originally sent, originally received in this State, or first viewed by any person in this State.
4. Any person violating the provisions of this section shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.
5. This section does not apply to any peaceable, nonviolent, or nonthreatening activity intended to express political views or to provide lawful information to others. This section shall not be construed to impair any constitutionally protected activity, including speech, protest, or assembly. (2000-125, s. 1; 2000-140, s. 91.)

Sorry, I know that's a lot. His argument is that he fell into section 5, regarding constitutionally protecting speech. I would have to disagree, and say that in section 2, it mentions the word "annoying." If he has done nothing else, he has annoyed several people repeatedly.


Of course, there has to be a twist, right? Here it is. The people that were so scared of him, are now wanting to get back into contact with him, and try to help him. That's what Jesus would want. They say that, and he's said that. And I'm not arguing with it. But I also believe that we need to let professionals deal with him right now. This is becoming a cycle that starts in one place, and is slowly snowballing into something much bigger. I'm all for being there for people, but I also believe there's a time to stop trying and protect yourself. He's still angry after a week. I'm really afraid of what will happen if someone contacts him.

So that's the deal with all that. I guess I really just needed to vent. It's been crazy, and I feel like it's just getting started.

On worship

I went to Elkin Valley this morning, for the first time in nearly two months. It was absolutely amazing. I love the new way Justin is leading worship, with integrating the contemporary and the traditional. It's a nice blend. I think it's so easy for people to get caught in a rut, and to experience something a little different is fantastic. And for someone like me, who worships best through music, it was perfect.

I think one of the nicest things for me was the fact that I could stand back, and not have to worry about singing perfectly, or "leading." Don't get me wrong. I love singing at BSU, and I really feel like that is the way God wants me to minister there. But sometimes, it's good to be able to stand back, and experience the words, and think about them, and not have to worry about what is coming next, or in my case, dodging Tyler and his guitar. Anyway, I digress. It was just nice to stand in the back of the church by myself, and sing to God. To know that my heart was totally in it, and that it was real.

Sometimes, worship seems, not really fake, but not true to me. It becomes people going to a service, singing songs, bowing their heads, listening to a message, and leaving. I know I'm guilty of this. It's hard sometimes to be in a worshipful mindset. But I also know that I'm working on it. Of course, I also must remember that worship must not occur in a church setting, but all the time, everywhere. That's a good challenge. And thus, this shall be what I work on. A worshipful attitude, all the time.